Believing...in myself, in my family, in my friends but most importantly, believing in God. That's what I'm concentrating on a lot lately. There have been lots of ups and downs in the Collins household the past few weeks. But I'm not going to get into those because you know what? Things are going to be fine, things will always be fine. I have an amazing husband, two of the most wonderful children ever, the most loving family and friends/coworkers. I honestly have an awesome support system. Now to the heart of the matter for today...
As many of you that read this blog know, Justin and I have been trying for a baby for over a year now. A lot of the things I don't share with everyone because there is some stuff that is left private between me and my family. But anyway...in March, I went and had LOTS of blood taken to run numerous tests on me. Results? Hypothyroid. Um, what? But, I'm now very educated on this "disease" and am taking medication for it. I was told to come back in 3-4 months to get them checked again as well as they wanted to do an A1C glucose test on me because my glucose levels were really high. I NEVER called back to get that A1C done because honestly, I was terrified.
After a lot of heartache with a semi-blowout with my sister and mom, I realized I really needed to get my butt back to the doctor and get this show on the road. And so this morning I went and had my thyroid levels checked as well as the A1C test. They told me to expect a phone call within the week. So 3 hours later while I'm sitting at work and saw my doctor's number blink on my cell, I was a little nervous.
But guess what? My thyroid levels that are being a pain in the ass about me getting pregnant? NORMAL! Those levels are now normal per my doctor. YAY! The medicine is working. I was quite excited about that. Then she announced the "but" news...they want me to attend a pre-diabetes class on Tuesday. What? But I took a deep breath and didn't even cry when I was talking to my husband about it. It's just PRE-diabetes and they are going to teach me what to do to make it all better. That's what they are there for. So I'm actually pretty excited about it. I know it sounds weird to say that but it's closure in a way...knowing exactly what is wrong and knowing there is a way to fix this. And not only that...I'm going to lose all this weight I've gained and look amazing! =) That makes me happy all the way to the center of my soul.
So today I'm just asking for prayers from you all...or just a "thinking of you" thought. They help more than some people realize.
And mom and Becca...I know you wanted an updated blog post so here is the beginning of me TRYING to update this thing more regularly. Also, I love you both so much...you are two of my best friends.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Heartbreaking Flood
The weather was just downright awful for many in the southeast states this past weekend. But what kills me the most; Nashville, TN got hit very hard. And growing up just 15 miles south of Nashville, I spent a lot of time in Nashville growing up. And have spent quite a bit of time there recently for concerts and just enjoying family time on the streets of the city. To see those streets under 10 feet of water is completely devastating. I found some pictures that people are calling "amazing" and all I can think is "devastation".
The Opryland Hotel, a historic building, is one-story under water in some places. As a child, we went to the Hotel almost every Christmas to see the decorations and twinkling lights. It's sad to me that the Hotel will never be the same. It's been closed indefinitely for now. And even if it does reopen, it won't be the same. The "O'Land Oprytel" that I grew up with will never be the same. And you ask about the spelling of that...I used to get words a bit mixed up as a little girl and that's what I called Opryland Hotel when I was little. So it of course holds a really special place in my heart. And having lots of family and friends living in and around Nashville makes it extremely hard.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
yucky, stormy day...
And sometimes, when it is so dark and stormy out, it matches my mood. Maybe it matched my mood yesterday better than it does today. Today my mood could be described as the sun peeking out from behind the clouds knowing that it's going to eventually brighten the entire day...
So I got a call on Monday, late afternoon, from my doctor. I was praying, praying very hard, to NOT get a call. But when I saw my doctor's number show up on my phone, my stomach sank. This only meant one thing, my blood tests didn't come back normal. I braced myself and walked out into the hallway so I wasn't just sitting at my desk for all to hear. Of course, I work in the basement of a building so I can't hear that great on my cell anyway but I tried! So the girl on the line told me I have hypothyroidism. Hmm, I wasn't sure what all that meant so of course I Googled everything I could about it. And I scared myself by doing that but I needed it. I needed to educate myself on it so I know what to expect in the days down the road. They called a prescription in for something that would level out my thyroid hormones. All good. Wrong. They told me I needed A1C blood work done as well because my insulin is high. Well bummer, all I could think is...diabetes.
So I let that all settle in and was somewhat reassured after talking to my mother that she had A1C blood work done this previous Fall but hers came back normal. Well surely if my mothers did, mine would as well. I guess we will see whenever I actually have time to schedule it and get it done. But sitting at lunch yesterday, somewhat accepting the "hippo" thyroid issue (yes, I call it hippo, I just can't help myself for some reason; it makes me giggle), I get another phone call saying after looking at my blood work further, they are pretty sure I will fail the A1C test and would I just go on and get a 2-hour glucose test done while I'm at it. L O V E L Y. I completely lost it after that. I can only handle so much in a 24 hour period. Luckily my husband and I were at lunch when I got this call and when we were on our way back to work, I turned to him with tears in my eyes and said "I'm not handling this all very well". Bless his heart, I really am so hard on him sometimes but he did the only thing he knew to do. He just put his hand on my knee and squeezed slightly and said he was sorry. And honey, I know I was a nutcase last night about it all, but just that gentle reassurance from you, that's what I needed.
So anyway, I sort of broke down on the way home from work last night. I felt like I needed to do that. Maybe it put things into perspective for me. I don't honestly know. But today, for some reason, I feel great about all of this. I know why I am not able to have a baby right now, but I KNOW there are things to help so I can have the baby that my husband and I both want. I finally KNOW. And I feel so relieved to know this information now. I can correct it, take the meds they have prescribed to make me better. I thought knowing something is wrong with me would be completely devastating, and I'm not saying I wasn't devastated as heck for a bit, but I'm happy today. Extremely happy. Because you see, I might have "hippo"thyroidism and might possibly be borderline diabetic, but it can all be fixed. I can be fixed. I can have a baby. And that my friends, is what I'm going to concentrate on. Because that sun, peeking out from the clouds I spoke about earlier, is just a glimpse of my future. My little slice of sunshine when I can finally say "we are going to have a baby!"
So it's been a roller coaster couple of weeks for me, but the thrill of the ride has just hit me and I can't wait to see what comes next.
So I got a call on Monday, late afternoon, from my doctor. I was praying, praying very hard, to NOT get a call. But when I saw my doctor's number show up on my phone, my stomach sank. This only meant one thing, my blood tests didn't come back normal. I braced myself and walked out into the hallway so I wasn't just sitting at my desk for all to hear. Of course, I work in the basement of a building so I can't hear that great on my cell anyway but I tried! So the girl on the line told me I have hypothyroidism. Hmm, I wasn't sure what all that meant so of course I Googled everything I could about it. And I scared myself by doing that but I needed it. I needed to educate myself on it so I know what to expect in the days down the road. They called a prescription in for something that would level out my thyroid hormones. All good. Wrong. They told me I needed A1C blood work done as well because my insulin is high. Well bummer, all I could think is...diabetes.
So I let that all settle in and was somewhat reassured after talking to my mother that she had A1C blood work done this previous Fall but hers came back normal. Well surely if my mothers did, mine would as well. I guess we will see whenever I actually have time to schedule it and get it done. But sitting at lunch yesterday, somewhat accepting the "hippo" thyroid issue (yes, I call it hippo, I just can't help myself for some reason; it makes me giggle), I get another phone call saying after looking at my blood work further, they are pretty sure I will fail the A1C test and would I just go on and get a 2-hour glucose test done while I'm at it. L O V E L Y. I completely lost it after that. I can only handle so much in a 24 hour period. Luckily my husband and I were at lunch when I got this call and when we were on our way back to work, I turned to him with tears in my eyes and said "I'm not handling this all very well". Bless his heart, I really am so hard on him sometimes but he did the only thing he knew to do. He just put his hand on my knee and squeezed slightly and said he was sorry. And honey, I know I was a nutcase last night about it all, but just that gentle reassurance from you, that's what I needed.
So anyway, I sort of broke down on the way home from work last night. I felt like I needed to do that. Maybe it put things into perspective for me. I don't honestly know. But today, for some reason, I feel great about all of this. I know why I am not able to have a baby right now, but I KNOW there are things to help so I can have the baby that my husband and I both want. I finally KNOW. And I feel so relieved to know this information now. I can correct it, take the meds they have prescribed to make me better. I thought knowing something is wrong with me would be completely devastating, and I'm not saying I wasn't devastated as heck for a bit, but I'm happy today. Extremely happy. Because you see, I might have "hippo"thyroidism and might possibly be borderline diabetic, but it can all be fixed. I can be fixed. I can have a baby. And that my friends, is what I'm going to concentrate on. Because that sun, peeking out from the clouds I spoke about earlier, is just a glimpse of my future. My little slice of sunshine when I can finally say "we are going to have a baby!"
So it's been a roller coaster couple of weeks for me, but the thrill of the ride has just hit me and I can't wait to see what comes next.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
just waiting...
Oh how I love the game of "waiting". Well, not really. I could honestly do without. But here I sit and wait.
I was told today at the doctor when I went in for blood work that I was definitely NOT pregnant. Wow, just make that hole in my heart a little bit bigger for me. But I knew I was going to hear it, I just wasn't really prepared for it. So I guess I get the prescription filled so that my evil monthly friend will start. At least then the baby-making process can resume again, this time with very carefully charted temps and everything in between. I know, takes the fun out of it...but we WILL make it fun. Not a job. Right, honey?
They took 5 vials of blood from me this morning. I had no idea they were taking so much. Before they started I asked the lab nurse if they would be taking just one vial of blood and she looked at me like I had told a very funny joke. I definitely didn't think it was funny. But she just shook her head at me and sort of sighed, probably thinking "great, I have one of THOSE patients this morning". And yes, she did have one of THOSE patients. I do not do well with blood, of any sorts. I've just now become immune to them pricking my finger, that alone used to make me turn green in the face! But being anemic and knowing it's an inevitable part of going to the doctor, I don't turn as green any more when they do that part. But taking blood, that's another story. I told her I was going to need to lay down and she told me I would be fine. Excuse me? What? So, me being me, trusted her and sat there and closed my eyes and thought about all the things in this world that make me happy. And then it was over. I guess I have that many things that make me happy but it took my mind completely off of what she was doing. She helped a lot by asking me silly questions all throughout and when she was done and the little hole was covered with a band-aid, I finally looked over. And almost fell out of my chair. I only saw 4 vials but seeing that, knowing it was mine, almost did me in. So I asked her if she took 4 and her sweet voice said "oh no sweetie, we took 5. Your doctor is very thorough and ordered quite a few tests to be run on you". Oh joy! So yeah, I did fine while it was happening and then not so fine after I saw blood. She was very nice and let me sit there for a bit and talk to her about things she could have cared less about. Just so she knew I kept breathing and didn't pass out. She gets the nice award today.
My left arm seriously feels weird now though. Probably because I'm the biggest WUSS when it comes to things like this. Oh well, that part is over. Now I just wait for a phone call saying something is wrong or wait for no phone call to come at all so I know I'm okay...regardless, I wait. And wait.
On another note, I don't mean to bitch (well yes I do) but when you have a doctor appointment, don't bring a whole group of people with you. I mean, I understand if you are pregnant and you want your husband or someone else in his place there with you. But if your husband is there and also your mother and also your mother-in-law AND your other kids, just LEAVE THE KIDS AT HOME WITH THE GRANDPARENTS! I don't get it, I couldn't find a place to sit because of all the people. Ok...bitching session over for now. Thank you.
I was told today at the doctor when I went in for blood work that I was definitely NOT pregnant. Wow, just make that hole in my heart a little bit bigger for me. But I knew I was going to hear it, I just wasn't really prepared for it. So I guess I get the prescription filled so that my evil monthly friend will start. At least then the baby-making process can resume again, this time with very carefully charted temps and everything in between. I know, takes the fun out of it...but we WILL make it fun. Not a job. Right, honey?
They took 5 vials of blood from me this morning. I had no idea they were taking so much. Before they started I asked the lab nurse if they would be taking just one vial of blood and she looked at me like I had told a very funny joke. I definitely didn't think it was funny. But she just shook her head at me and sort of sighed, probably thinking "great, I have one of THOSE patients this morning". And yes, she did have one of THOSE patients. I do not do well with blood, of any sorts. I've just now become immune to them pricking my finger, that alone used to make me turn green in the face! But being anemic and knowing it's an inevitable part of going to the doctor, I don't turn as green any more when they do that part. But taking blood, that's another story. I told her I was going to need to lay down and she told me I would be fine. Excuse me? What? So, me being me, trusted her and sat there and closed my eyes and thought about all the things in this world that make me happy. And then it was over. I guess I have that many things that make me happy but it took my mind completely off of what she was doing. She helped a lot by asking me silly questions all throughout and when she was done and the little hole was covered with a band-aid, I finally looked over. And almost fell out of my chair. I only saw 4 vials but seeing that, knowing it was mine, almost did me in. So I asked her if she took 4 and her sweet voice said "oh no sweetie, we took 5. Your doctor is very thorough and ordered quite a few tests to be run on you". Oh joy! So yeah, I did fine while it was happening and then not so fine after I saw blood. She was very nice and let me sit there for a bit and talk to her about things she could have cared less about. Just so she knew I kept breathing and didn't pass out. She gets the nice award today.
My left arm seriously feels weird now though. Probably because I'm the biggest WUSS when it comes to things like this. Oh well, that part is over. Now I just wait for a phone call saying something is wrong or wait for no phone call to come at all so I know I'm okay...regardless, I wait. And wait.
On another note, I don't mean to bitch (well yes I do) but when you have a doctor appointment, don't bring a whole group of people with you. I mean, I understand if you are pregnant and you want your husband or someone else in his place there with you. But if your husband is there and also your mother and also your mother-in-law AND your other kids, just LEAVE THE KIDS AT HOME WITH THE GRANDPARENTS! I don't get it, I couldn't find a place to sit because of all the people. Ok...bitching session over for now. Thank you.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Today just feels like a blogging day...
I don't normally share things going on in my life that are incredibly personal but other times, I do. Somehow, I think it makes me feel better to write and know that people I care about are reading and knowing what I'm going through. And honestly, this isn't something that is outrageous, but to me, it's definitely a hard time. And I know I'm driving my husband and closest family members crazy with it some days.
Justin and I have been "trying" to have a baby since the end of June (2009). And I put trying in quotations because it's not like we are timing and taking temps and all that fun stuff. We just haven't been preventing pregnancy. And today I broke down and went to the doctor because I'm 4 weeks late and I knew I was either pregnant (finally!) or something was wrong with me. And I knew in my heart, it was going to be the latter. And today confirmed that.
At this moment, we don't really know what it is. I'm going in for blood work (where I get to fast before, YES!, um no) on Wednesday morning so they can do several tests. I think my biggest fear is not being able to have another baby. And I strongly believe that God will allow me to have another baby because He knows I want one so much and have all the love in the world to give future Baby Collins. It's just a tough thing to grasp.
I guess with this post I'm just trying to write it (type it) out and make some sort of sense of it all. I know I can't keep digging and talking about it until I'm blue in the face but it's something that's really close to my heart right now and always in the forefront of my mind. And it also doesn't help that my doctor didn't really explain anything to me so I could make sense of it. I don't feel like a doctor should leave a girl hanging like this when it comes to having a baby. But maybe I'm wrong? Either way, I guess Wednesday I will go and have blood drawn and just pray I don't pass out from it. And then patiently (HA!) wait until they call back and tell me what that lovely blood pumping through me has to say about it all...
Justin and I have been "trying" to have a baby since the end of June (2009). And I put trying in quotations because it's not like we are timing and taking temps and all that fun stuff. We just haven't been preventing pregnancy. And today I broke down and went to the doctor because I'm 4 weeks late and I knew I was either pregnant (finally!) or something was wrong with me. And I knew in my heart, it was going to be the latter. And today confirmed that.
At this moment, we don't really know what it is. I'm going in for blood work (where I get to fast before, YES!, um no) on Wednesday morning so they can do several tests. I think my biggest fear is not being able to have another baby. And I strongly believe that God will allow me to have another baby because He knows I want one so much and have all the love in the world to give future Baby Collins. It's just a tough thing to grasp.
I guess with this post I'm just trying to write it (type it) out and make some sort of sense of it all. I know I can't keep digging and talking about it until I'm blue in the face but it's something that's really close to my heart right now and always in the forefront of my mind. And it also doesn't help that my doctor didn't really explain anything to me so I could make sense of it. I don't feel like a doctor should leave a girl hanging like this when it comes to having a baby. But maybe I'm wrong? Either way, I guess Wednesday I will go and have blood drawn and just pray I don't pass out from it. And then patiently (HA!) wait until they call back and tell me what that lovely blood pumping through me has to say about it all...
Monday, January 11, 2010
Crazy...I just might be...
So, I'm sitting here and chatting with my sister about weight loss and exercise and all that DREADED stuff...and it hits me, it's time! It's time I stop whining about how overweight I am and just do something about it. And it's REALLY about time to stop saying I'll do something and actually do it. So, I'm going to start with laying off the sweet tea and sodas again and drink water, water and more water (with a little crystal light thrown in). And eat healthier...honey, I haven't talked to you about this yet, but that means no more eating out...we might need to make a trip to the grocery store tonight but please set the DVR to record The Biggest Loser before that =) Thanks!
So, ok, walking. My sister laughed out loud when I told her I hoped to not break my legs or give myself a black eye while walking/jogging around my neighborhood. But I'm serious! I'm so out of shape and am going to be the biggest wimp in the world when it comes to this. There is going to be a lot of screaming and crying and pain. For me, not for anyone else. I'm going to be yelling at myself a lot and telling my fat butt to just cooperate because it will all make it better in the end. I just have to believe that, no matter if I'm throwing up everything I have eaten all day. I must do it. And I will. It's time for me to. So that Chick-Fil-A I ate for lunch and that yummy sweet tea I devoured, that's it. I'm done. And I'm pumped! And honestly, I could make myself sick thinking of all the grease in fast food but I'm not going to think too hard because I will be running to the bathroom here at work and make a fool of myself!
So, I'm going to start walking/exercising since it has warmed up to the 40's this week. Even if it's doing a exercise DVD inside, I'm going to do it. My sister wants me to do a half marathon with her on April 24th...of course me being absolutely clueless to the world of marathons asked "exactly how many miles is a half marathon?" And she responds "13.1". Um ok, 13 used to be my lucky and happy number but 13 miles?!?!? Yes, I can do that. It's a little over 3 months away. And it's in Nashville!! Bands will be playing and motivating me. It might take me the better part of a day to finish but you know what. I can do it. I know I can. And that's not saying that I'm going to go register myself right now, I have to make sure I can do this. Have to get in the right mindset. But sounds like a good goal for myself! Right?? Yeah, I think so too.
http://nashville.competitor.com/
So, ok, walking. My sister laughed out loud when I told her I hoped to not break my legs or give myself a black eye while walking/jogging around my neighborhood. But I'm serious! I'm so out of shape and am going to be the biggest wimp in the world when it comes to this. There is going to be a lot of screaming and crying and pain. For me, not for anyone else. I'm going to be yelling at myself a lot and telling my fat butt to just cooperate because it will all make it better in the end. I just have to believe that, no matter if I'm throwing up everything I have eaten all day. I must do it. And I will. It's time for me to. So that Chick-Fil-A I ate for lunch and that yummy sweet tea I devoured, that's it. I'm done. And I'm pumped! And honestly, I could make myself sick thinking of all the grease in fast food but I'm not going to think too hard because I will be running to the bathroom here at work and make a fool of myself!
So, I'm going to start walking/exercising since it has warmed up to the 40's this week. Even if it's doing a exercise DVD inside, I'm going to do it. My sister wants me to do a half marathon with her on April 24th...of course me being absolutely clueless to the world of marathons asked "exactly how many miles is a half marathon?" And she responds "13.1". Um ok, 13 used to be my lucky and happy number but 13 miles?!?!? Yes, I can do that. It's a little over 3 months away. And it's in Nashville!! Bands will be playing and motivating me. It might take me the better part of a day to finish but you know what. I can do it. I know I can. And that's not saying that I'm going to go register myself right now, I have to make sure I can do this. Have to get in the right mindset. But sounds like a good goal for myself! Right?? Yeah, I think so too.
http://nashville.competitor.com/
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