And sometimes, when it is so dark and stormy out, it matches my mood. Maybe it matched my mood yesterday better than it does today. Today my mood could be described as the sun peeking out from behind the clouds knowing that it's going to eventually brighten the entire day...
So I got a call on Monday, late afternoon, from my doctor. I was praying, praying very hard, to NOT get a call. But when I saw my doctor's number show up on my phone, my stomach sank. This only meant one thing, my blood tests didn't come back normal. I braced myself and walked out into the hallway so I wasn't just sitting at my desk for all to hear. Of course, I work in the basement of a building so I can't hear that great on my cell anyway but I tried! So the girl on the line told me I have hypothyroidism. Hmm, I wasn't sure what all that meant so of course I Googled everything I could about it. And I scared myself by doing that but I needed it. I needed to educate myself on it so I know what to expect in the days down the road. They called a prescription in for something that would level out my thyroid hormones. All good. Wrong. They told me I needed A1C blood work done as well because my insulin is high. Well bummer, all I could think is...diabetes.
So I let that all settle in and was somewhat reassured after talking to my mother that she had A1C blood work done this previous Fall but hers came back normal. Well surely if my mothers did, mine would as well. I guess we will see whenever I actually have time to schedule it and get it done. But sitting at lunch yesterday, somewhat accepting the "hippo" thyroid issue (yes, I call it hippo, I just can't help myself for some reason; it makes me giggle), I get another phone call saying after looking at my blood work further, they are pretty sure I will fail the A1C test and would I just go on and get a 2-hour glucose test done while I'm at it. L O V E L Y. I completely lost it after that. I can only handle so much in a 24 hour period. Luckily my husband and I were at lunch when I got this call and when we were on our way back to work, I turned to him with tears in my eyes and said "I'm not handling this all very well". Bless his heart, I really am so hard on him sometimes but he did the only thing he knew to do. He just put his hand on my knee and squeezed slightly and said he was sorry. And honey, I know I was a nutcase last night about it all, but just that gentle reassurance from you, that's what I needed.
So anyway, I sort of broke down on the way home from work last night. I felt like I needed to do that. Maybe it put things into perspective for me. I don't honestly know. But today, for some reason, I feel great about all of this. I know why I am not able to have a baby right now, but I KNOW there are things to help so I can have the baby that my husband and I both want. I finally KNOW. And I feel so relieved to know this information now. I can correct it, take the meds they have prescribed to make me better. I thought knowing something is wrong with me would be completely devastating, and I'm not saying I wasn't devastated as heck for a bit, but I'm happy today. Extremely happy. Because you see, I might have "hippo"thyroidism and might possibly be borderline diabetic, but it can all be fixed. I can be fixed. I can have a baby. And that my friends, is what I'm going to concentrate on. Because that sun, peeking out from the clouds I spoke about earlier, is just a glimpse of my future. My little slice of sunshine when I can finally say "we are going to have a baby!"
So it's been a roller coaster couple of weeks for me, but the thrill of the ride has just hit me and I can't wait to see what comes next.
No comments:
Post a Comment